after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
