My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
