Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
