so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
