so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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