all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Someone came in the potted fern
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
