Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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