Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
