All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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