Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
