Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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