dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
