I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
