i can't believe i had my finger in that
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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