I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
