I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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