I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
