Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
