That's intense
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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