bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize