I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
