So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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