I puked a lego.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
