so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
