my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
