I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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