well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
