yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize