she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize