im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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