I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
