U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
