Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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