flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
