Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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