Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
