I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
