Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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