There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
