So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
