I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
