porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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