I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
