just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
