I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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