I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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