Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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