I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
