I just cut my nipple shaving
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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