so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
