I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize
