Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
