Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
