Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
