i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize