dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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