brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
