Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize