There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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