Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
