apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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