Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
COCAINE IS GR8
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
