i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
