Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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