I wish I only lived at night.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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