I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
