Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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