just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm just crazy horny about you
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
